Like many other people, I grew up reading fairy tales and watched them get butchered on the big screen by the likes of Walt Disney and many countless others. So when “Once Upon a Time” came on the air in 2011, I decided to give it a look. It was pretty interesting when everyone didn’t know who the hell they were, and I enjoyed watching it. Then everyone started to find out who they were and too many characters kept getting added to the mix. I got bored with it and stopped watching it. It just didn’t make any sense to me why they would bring a Mary Shelley character into the “fairy tale” fold. Frankenstein? Really? Usually shows wait a few years before “jumping the shark,” but “Time” wasn’t wasting any “time” doing just that.
If “Time” wants to continually add new characters rather than fully develop the strong ones they already have, here are some suggestions for characters they can add to really make the show interesting.
1. Mowgli from “The Jungle Book.” Boy raised by wolves grows into a very hot man. Comes to Storybrooke with various wild animals in tow as part of a traveling circus. Potential love interest for Red as they bond over their shared experiences with wolves.
2. Lord Fahrquaad, “Shrek.” Comes to Storybrooke in an attempt to take the reins of the town away from Regina and with plans to build an amusement park. Makes deal with Rumplestiltskin to wrangle help in getting the permits to build his tacky amusement park from local authorities.
3. Cruella de Vil – comes to Storybrooke with a female dalmatian named Perdita and fertility treatments with plans to breed the two dogs and have massive amounts of puppies. Has to make deal with Rumplestiltskin to get necessary permits to get around the per household dog requirements as she plans to have more than 100 puppies on the premises and open a furrier business. Animal rights activists are sure to try to raid her compound, guarded by incompetent henchmen.
4. Merlin. There is a lot of black magic in Storybrooke. There needs to be a quirky Gandalf type character to help counteract it all. Since there are already characters from the “Camelot” saga on the show anyway, he should be easy to work into the show’s plot lines.
5. Uncle Remus, “Song of the South.” Accidentally mistaking the white rabbit from “Alice in Wonderland” for the br’er rabbit, Uncle Remus follows the rabbit and saunters into town singing “Zippity-do-dah…” Hangs around frequently in Granny’s diner, prompting changes to the menu including the addition of grits, chit’lins, and “greens.” People either flock to him to hear his countless stories about all of the animals in the ‘br’er” universe – or avoid him altogether. Gets a part-time job as a cook in Granny’s kitchen and his soul-food inspired recipes become a surprise hit with the locals.
6. And while we’re at it, since Disney owns just about every media franchise out there, why don’t we throw in Luke Skywalker, Iron Man and “Animal” from “The Muppet Show?” 🙂