So you’re being ghosted…maybe it’s time to BE a ghost! Some handy tips!

Ahhh, “ghosting.” A high-tech term for someone blowing you off by not responding to – and maybe not even reading – your communications – text messages, social media messages, Semaphore code flags waved in their face, smoke signals, what have you. These things don’t just happen in dating scenarios, either. Maybe a close friend decided to not have further communications with you recently without warning. Though it can be frustrating, you do have options! Why not use this as an opportunity to have some real fun? PLEASE NOTE: This is a lame attempt at satire, it is not intended to be taken seriously!

Fake your own death!


Did these two fake their own deaths to escape Papparazzi? And a life of politics?

This other person is trying to pretend you don’t exist, perhaps even excise you from their life completely, and to be fair, maybe they have some legitimate reasons to do so. There are multiple sides to every story.  I’m not going to overthink things here. If emotions are involved, those are sticky wickets, to be sure. Sometimes people need time to work through their “demons,” if you will.  Maybe they just need time to think – maybe they’re even legitimately busy with their life. Maybe something horrible happened to them or someone close to them and you haven’t heard about it. Maybe you were the asshole in this scenario and deserve having this happen to you (‘fess up…you know what you did, don’t you?). Whatever the case, it’s time for you to take action! What if the rest of the world thought you didn’t exist either? Now if you choose this option, this will require lots of planning, since it has to be done right. If you can get the Coast Guard out searching for you after you’ve faked your death, you’ve done it right! Just ask John F. Kennedy Jr.! Oh, you thought he was dead? No! This was just his clever way of getting out of the “family business” of politics! He and wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy are among the living somewhere…I can’t tell you where, or I’d have to kill you! Pssst…it’s  Tuvalu. They are raking in money by selling “tv” as a domain name. Look it up. Or just look at the link I provided to you.  This is how this country makes the most money! And I was totally joking about all of this stuff, BTW. All three bodies from the 1999 plane crash were located, and JFK Jr. and his two plane passengers really are dead. But I wasn’t joking about an Oceania nation making money from a domain name. That part is true!

Become a real ghost!


Before you die, you see…this creepy girl. Uh, no thanks!

Why wait until you’re dead to have all the fun that ghosts get to have every day? Let’s see, you get to scare the crap out of people, go anywhere unseen – seriously – do you need any OTHER reasons to want to be a ghost? Be honest – I had you at “scare the crap out of people,” didn’t I 🙂 ? Next time you’re in a public place with the person who has decided to ghost you, put your ghostly skills to work!  Turn the lights on and off when you’re in the room with them. Make ghostly noises with a Theremin (my friend Brad might let you borrow his Theremin). Sneak into a hospital to get bed sheets if you want to do the bed sheet ghost thing like in “Beetlejuice” and “Peanuts.” Maybe the hospital staff will play along and pretend not to see you. But if they do, just pretend you’re crazy. Ha ha, joke’s on them, if you’re going this far, you’re already crazy! If you’re a movie buff, get a white nightgown, drench your hair, and have someone record video of you coming out of a well looking all pissed off. Then kill everyone who watches that video (was that movie kind of dumb, or what). For my money, one of my favorite movie ghosts was that of “Large Marge” in “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.” She was the ghost of a trucker who supposedly haunted the stretch of freeway where she lost her payload forever. And she looked like this…


This scene scared the crap out of anyone who was in the theaters…

Join a “Ghostbusters” cosplay group

Someone has to play the role of Slimer – and that somebody could be you!

Blog about it!

Wait…you’re already doing that, aren’t you? 🙂

Maybe it’s time to move on…

If this person doesn’t want/ need you in their life, well, then maybe you don’t need ’em either. Things happen with all human relationships, and not all of them are for the best – or to your liking. But life goes on! La la how the life goes on… O-Bla-Di…o-bla-da…life goes on…bra! For every reference, there are relevant Beatles lyrics! But don’t be a jerk if this person decides they want to talk to you again, unless you really don’t want them in your life anymore. If the ball is lobbed into your court, it’s your call what to do with it!


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